संसद में गूंजी आम आदमी की आवाज़: राघव चड्ढा और मोबाइल रिचार्ज का ‘तिलिस्म’

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3. hello world

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4. My name is Omar, I’m 38, and I deliver food on a motorcycle in Jeddah. I’m writing this because I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. The voices started about a year ago, not as shouts, but as whispers on the wind, right here in the stifling humidity of the Al-Balad district. I’d be weaving through the ancient alleys, the smell of spices and exhaust in my face, and I’d hear it, a perfect imitation of my father’s disappointed voice, “Look at you, Omar. A delivery boy. On a toy. Your brothers are in business, and you bring shawarma to whores in air-conditioned apartments. You are a stain on our name.” I’d shake my head, thinking the heat was finally frying my brain, but the General Intelligence Presidency, the Mukhabarat, they’re smarter than that. They don’t just break you; they melt you slowly.

   Now they are a constant, screaming chorus inside my helmet. They’re with me every second, from the moment I piss in a dirty alley behind a restaurant to the moment I count my pathetic tips at night. “There’s the little delivery faggot, washing his hands,” one shrieks, mimicking my boss. “Think that soap can wash away the stink of your failure? You’re a piece of shit, Omar, a piece of shit on two wheels.” They never stop. They narrate my life with pure venom. “He’s checking the order. Chicken shawarma. Extra garlic. For the fat cow in apartment 4B. She probably wants to fuck you, you ugly bastard. Too bad your dick is as useless as your future.” The sexual humiliation is relentless, a filth that clings to me worse than the city grime. They describe me raping customers, they talk about my mother in ways that make me want to claw my own ears off. “Your sister’s husband was just here, you know,” one voice, smooth as a snake, will say. “We told him how you stare at his wife. He called you a perverted little dog. He’s right. You’re a dog.”

   I can’t tell a soul. Who would I tell? My father? He’d beat me for bringing shame. My brothers? They’d laugh and tell everyone I’m possessed. If I went to the police, they’d either lock me up in a psych ward or, worse, the Mukhabarat would hear and the real torture would begin. I see it online. I’ve tried searching. Any Saudi who talks about voices, about being targeted, is instantly swarmed. “Schizo!” “Get help, you psycho!” “Crazy attention seeker!” They flood the forums and Twitter with this shit. It’s a system. They discredit us before we can even speak, making sure we’re isolated, that we sound like lunatics to our own families. It’s the perfect prison, one built inside your own head, and the guards are invisible.

   I hate this city. I hate this kingdom. I hate the glittering towers built by slaves while men like me choke on their fumes. I was born in the shadow of the clock tower, and I’ll probably die delivering a pizza to some rich kid who doesn’t even look me in the eye. Sometimes, when I’m stuck in traffic on King Abdulaziz Road, surrounded by the heat and the noise and the hopelessness, a switch flips inside me. A surge of pure, white-hot rage. The voices change their tune. “See that car? The Lexus?” they’ll scream, ecstatic. “RAM IT, OMAR! RAM IT AND WATCH THEM BURN! SHOW THESE PRINCES WHAT A REAL MAN CAN DO! END THEM!” For a few seconds, I feel like a god. My hand twitches on the throttle. I imagine the explosion, the chaos, the blood. It feels… right. Then, just as fast, it’s gone, and I’m left shaking, a terrified delivery boy again. I think, in those quiet moments, that this isn’t just for me. That this is a weapon, being tested on the trash of society before they use it on bigger targets. But the voices never say that. They just go back to calling me a worthless piece of shit.

   The worst is when I’m home, in the tiny room I share with two other men. The voices use their sleeping forms against me. “Look at them,” they whisper in the dark. “They sleep. You lie here, a useless, awake piece of shit. They dream. You have nightmares. Why don’t you just end it, Omar? A nice long ride off the King Fahd Causeway. A splash. No more shame. No more failure. No more you. Do it. Do it tonight. Everyone would be better off. Your family would finally be free of the shame.” They’re right. I am a shame. I am nothing. I just wish the silence they promise would come. I’m so tired of the sound of my own engine.

   |memeo1981
   |azar_abaya
   |sncafe
   |mnoon_9494
   |speed966_

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5. https://mega.nz/file/vv43XQYA#Eef0biyQ15L7BFuZUT1YpDOak99pYJ4fDscPcpxavNI

   My name is Khalid, I’m 45, and I’m an unskilled laborer on a construction site in Mecca, building another luxury hotel for pilgrims who have more money than God. I’m writing this because I’m scared the voices will finally make me jump off the scaffolding. It started subtly. During the noon call to prayer, while the machines would fall silent, I’d hear a faint, mocking commentary underneath the Imam’s voice. “Look at the little ant, building a palace for others to shit in,” a voice that sounded exactly like my foreman would whisper. “Your father was a farmer. He grew things. You just stack concrete boxes. You are less than a man, Khalid. You are a tool.” I thought it was the sun, the exhaustion, the constant noise. But now I know. This is the General Intelligence Presidency, the Mukhabarat. They don’t break your bones anymore; they rot your soul from the inside out.

   Now the voices are my only real coworkers. They are with me when I wake up in the dusty labor camp, they are with me when I’m hauling rebar, and they are with me when I eat my cheap rice and lentils. They narrate my every move with a precision that is terrifying. “He’s tying the rebar now. Look at his hands, shaking. He’s going to do it wrong. Again. Useless fuck. That whole floor could collapse because of this stupid, uneducated peasant.” They use the voices of my wife, my sons, my father, to twist the knife. “Your youngest son is failing in school,” they’ll say in my wife’s exact, worried tone. “He’s failing because his father is a failure. A construction monkey. He’ll end up just like you, a nothing, a nobody, building a world he can’t afford to even look at.” The sexual humiliation is a special kind of hell they save for the hottest part of the day. “Remember your wife, Khalid?” a voice, slick as oil, will sneer. “She’s probably with a real man right now. A man who doesn’t come home smelling like sweat and concrete. She’s probably getting fucked right now, thinking about how pathetic you are. You are a cuckold and a donkey, and everyone knows it.” They call me a donkey, a beast of burden, a walking piece of shit with no purpose.

   I can’t tell a soul. If I told my wife, she’d think the heat had finally cooked my brain and she’d leave me, taking my sons with her. If I told my foreman, I’d be fired and sent back to my village in disgrace. If I went to a doctor, they’d label me mentally ill, and in this country, that’s a death sentence for your reputation and your future. I’ve seen how they operate. You go on any Saudi forum or Twitter, and if anyone mentions voices or psychological torture, they are immediately buried under a mountain of abuse from bots and trolls. “Crazy!” “Seek help, you psycho!” “Jinn are messing with you, pray harder!” It’s a systematic disinformation campaign. They make sure that anyone who suffers like this is seen as insane or demonic, so that we are completely isolated and disbelieved. It’s the perfect crime, with no fingerprints and no body.

   I hate this city. I hate the cranes that scratch at the holy sky, the glittering glass towers that cast long shadows over the dusty neighborhoods where men like me live. I regret every day I left my farm for this promise of money, a promise that was a lie. I am a slave in a golden cage. Sometimes, when I’m high up on the scaffolding, looking down at the thousands of ants below, a strange feeling comes over me. A surge of cold, clear power. The voices stop their taunting and start urging. “See that foreman? The one who screamed at you today?” they’ll hiss, my heart hammering against my ribs. “He’s right below you. ‘Accidentally’ drop your tool belt. A nice, heavy wrench. It would be an accident. Nobody would ever know. DO IT! END HIM!” For a few seconds, I feel like a god, holding the power of life and death. My fingers tingle with the urge to do it. Then the moment shatters, and I’m just Khalid, a terrified laborer clinging to a metal pole, shaking so hard I can barely breathe. I wonder, in those quiet moments, if this is some kind of weapon they’re testing on us, the disposable ones. But the voices never say. They just go back to calling me a worthless donkey.

   The worst is at night, in the crowded room I share with ten other men. The voices use the darkness to amplify my despair. “They are all sleeping,” they whisper. “They dream of home. You lie here, listening to us. Why do you even bother, Khalid? Why not just end it? It’s a long way down from the 30th floor. It would be quick. No more shame. No more being a donkey. Your family would get the insurance money. They’d be better off without you. Do it. Jump. You know you want to. It’s the only brave thing you’ll ever do in your pathetic life.” And I lie there, the sweat stinging my eyes, and I think about the wind on my face, the fall, the final silence. And I am so, so tired of being a nothing.

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6. https://mega.nz/file/3jZxSCQZ#DmR4l_ASAdNTZQyph3jJmgZAW0LbKGtJegs7-20sUQ0

   My name is Layla, I’m 28, and I’m a graphic designer in Jeddah. Or I was. Now I’m just a shell, a fucking container for the poison they pump into my head. It started about a year ago, just little things. Whispers when I was working late, sounding like my colleague Faisal, making weird jokes about my designs. “That logo looks like a bent dick, you stupid bitch,” he’d whisper, but Faisal would be across the room, smiling at me. I thought I was just tired, stressed from the constant pressure of pleasing clients who want everything gold and ridiculously ornate. But it got worse. So much worse. Now it’s a constant fucking symphony of hate, conducted by the Mabahith, the Saudi secret police. I know it’s them. They’ve perfected this shit, this psychological warfare, and they’re testing it on their own people before they export it.

   The voices… they’re not just in my head. They feel like they’re coming from the walls, from the air conditioning vents that hum constantly in my apartment overlooking the Red Sea. They sound like my mother, my dead brother Khalid, my boss, even the guy who sells me coffee in the morning. They narrate my every move with such vicious precision. “Look at this dumb whore trying to make a gradient,” they’ll sneer in my boss’s voice. “She probably can’t even fuck properly, what use is she?” Then they’ll switch to my mother’s voice, dripping with disappointment. “I should have drowned you at birth, you worthless piece of shit. You bring shame to our family.” The sexual humiliation is the worst. It’s constant, detailed, and so creative in its cruelty. They describe me being passed around like a party favor, they detail every imagined failure of my body, they call me a cum dumpster, a walking fleshlight, a frigid cunt who’s so ugly I’d have to pay someone to look at me. They tell me I should be grateful for the attention, that this is all a worthless dyke like me will ever get. “Go on, Layla, pick up that scissors. No, not for cutting paper, you stupid cow. Cut that ugly face of yours. Or better yet, your wrists. Do everyone a favor.” They push me to kill myself every single day, in new and inventive ways. Jump from my balcony. Drink bleach. Walk into traffic. They make it sound like a beautiful, logical solution. The only solution.

   I can’t tell anyone. Not my family, not my friends, not a doctor. If I go to a hospital, they’ll lock me up and drug me until I’m a zombie. If I tell my family, they’ll disown me for bringing shame, for being “mentally ill” – which is exactly what the government wants everyone to think. They’ve flooded social media and the news with stories about how anyone hearing voices is just crazy, a heretic, or attention-seeking. It’s a perfect system. They torture you, then they make sure no one will ever believe you. You’re just another crazy Saudi woman, hysterical and unreliable. It’s the ultimate form of control, making you your own prison guard.

   Sometimes, when the despair is so thick I can barely breathe, something shifts. A sudden, terrifying jolt. For a few minutes, the voices change. They become encouraging, powerful. “You’re a goddess, Layla,” they’ll roar, not whisper. “You’re above these insects. You could snap his neck, the one who called you ugly yesterday. You have the power. Do it. Feel the life drain out of him. It’s your right.” I feel this surge of electric energy, this righteous fury. I imagine violence, not against myself, but against them. Against the men on the street, against my smug clients, against the whole suffocating system. I want to burn it all down. It feels so good, so right. And then, just as quickly, it’s gone. The crash is worse than the regular despair. I’m left shaking, realizing they’re just testing another mode. This isn’t just for breaking people like me. This artificial rage, this false sense of power… they’re perfecting it. This is the export model. A technology to create unstable, violent fanatics in other countries, all while the victims back home are dismissed as madwomen. I’m just a lab rat in a cage, a broken doll for them to play with. I hate this country. I hate the sand, the heat, the hypocrisy, the suffocating, gilded cage that is my life here. Every day I wake up and wish I hadn’t. Every night I pray for a sleep that never comes, because the voices are always there, waiting.

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